Bad person. (go back »)

Do you ever do something that, in all reality, isn't like you at all? You realize what you did afterward and think, "what the hell am i doing?".

But then it happens so many times, you begin to think maybe that is the person you are.

I'm generally not a selfish person. I don't want to be a selfish person. I want to be selfless and sincere. I want to be nice and quiet. I want to keep to myself and do what makes others happy. I don't want to do things for me. I don't want to do things because of some return I might eventually get.

Being nice makes me happy. Doing things for others makes me happy. But when other people start being selfish and the things I do go unnotice, frankly, it pisses me off. Granted, most people are extremely appreciative. Most people notice and are thankful. I don't do these things to get noticed. I promise. I think I've been doing "nice" things for other people all my life, and that has caused me, and possibly my heart, to get taken advantage of. That's the way it works.

So, where do you draw the line? Do you continue being who you are or totally readjust the way you do things? I do get upset though. It makes me mad. It does. I give up a lot of things to do "nice" things for other people. Yes, I do have a choice, but I don't think people realize the sacrifices I make.

Sometime, I will find a man who will appreciate little notes in his car when he leaves for work. He'll appreciate an extremely well cooked meal when he gets home. He'll appreciate that there isn't a gargantuous pile of clothes in our room that need to be smelled to tell if they are clean or not. He'll appreciate a clean household. He'll appreciate that when I'm sick, I don't get all pouty and helpless. I will be appreciated. Someday.